I’m disappointed. I’m emptying out. Courage is failing me. I’m desperate. I feel tired, nauseous, and I can’t sleep. I want something so much and I can’t have it. It belongs to me. Or, at least, it once did. And it makes everything feel better.
Yes, I want a lot of things and I can’t have them. Some of them, I can’t have now. Or, perhaps, not yet. And yet I even want something else now and more than the other things that I want.
It’s one thing that I can’t have. Because it’s not in the plan (ref. The Adjustment Bureau). I knew that it wasn’t in the plan the first time I recognized it for what it is. And for what it had been.
And we always want most what we can’t have. And we never want to let go of what was once ours. Because it has become who we are and even what we are doing.
There’s a lesson here for me and you. I’m trying to figure it out, accept it, and grow in wisdom. The universe is unfolding as it should. I console myself with the Desiderata.
I have to stop holding on to it. I have to let go of a past that I do not remember. It was mine but it is not me. It cannot blossom until I will let it be. Without me.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.
Is there something or someone that you need to let go? Something or someone that makes everything feel better?
7 July 2011